i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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