Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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