how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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