I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
