dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
