I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
