I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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