i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
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