can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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