4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think i have two assholes
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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