Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
