I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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