Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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