just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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