remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
