Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sext me about skeletons
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
