are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
God I need to hump something, right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
