he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
