I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
