So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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