you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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