Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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