So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
