your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
