Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
