wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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