after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
