i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
