If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
