my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
