Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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