i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
