That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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