She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
