i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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