if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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