I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
