im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
