And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
