hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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