Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
