So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
