I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
