3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
