Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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