I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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