i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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