Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
