im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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