some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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