this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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