Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Text me some of your sweat
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
